My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
