1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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