i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
