his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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