I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
