No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have fence marks all over my body
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
