All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
