I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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