I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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