She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
