Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
