I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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