the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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