were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
