The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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