I CAN MOONWALK!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
