Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Rumble strips road head = magical
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
