Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
