I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Couch. On fire.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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