I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
