That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
