She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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