Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
