That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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