You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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