..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
