she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
