So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
