Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
