And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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