I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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