Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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