Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
