Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
