I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
