remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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