He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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