i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
