At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
