I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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