I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
