i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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