Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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