He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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