he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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