be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
