Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
