i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
