i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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