Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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